Angela, Survivor
My name is Angelina and I am a survivor of child sexual abuse. My mom's boyfriend lived with us from the time I was 3yrs old until I was 14yrs old when he finally arrested for raping his niece at gunpoint in Pennsylvania. He lived with us under several different alias. When I was younger he didn't like me too much, in fact it seemed I was a nuisance to him. When I was about 8yrs old and started to develop more he took me down to his garage and demanded I pull down my pants while he looked at pornographic magazines. I cried the whole time. He then shoved his tongue in my mouth. He told me he was going to be the one to show me what sex was like.
When I was 9yrs old, we went to Ireland to visit my family and while there he gave me instructions on how I was to go to bed the same time he did so he could have sex with me. My mom, him and me slept in the same bed in Ireland. One time when my mom got out of bed before us he started rubbing my vagina and I squirmed out of bed and away from him. He also caressed my breast during another instance. He told me if I said anything he would kill my mom. I had no reason to believe otherwise since I had witnessed him hit my mom a number of times and also saw him drag my mom down the stairs after a fight one night.
The night I was supposed to go to bed with him, I pretended I was sick and looked up at my aunt and tried to plead with her with my eyes. My mom said I should just go to bed but my aunt kept me up with her and years later would tell me she knew something was wrong and saw how angry he looked when I pretended I was sick but she couldn't convince my mom and she didn't know what to do being so far away. My phone calls and letters to Ireland and anyone were monitored by him. He continued to try and touch me and he even wanted to coax me by telling me all the things he would buy for me.
Finally, I made a bargain with him to wait until I was seventeen and he accepted that. Luckily that day never came and he was finally arrested after his mother's phone was tapped in Pennsylvania whom he made phone calls to frequently. Before he was arrested and he left me alone, I began to love him like a father because I didn't know anything else, my mom was never really a mother to me, and I didn't know who my real father was. When he was arrested I cried but when I found out what he was arrested for, I began to recall everything he did to me which also included beating me with a belt. I was always afraid of him.
I never felt comfortable wearing certain clothes around him or pajamas because although he left me alone I could still feel him looking at me a certain way; an adult way; a desirous way. I struggled in my teenager years, young adulthood and adulthood diving into alcohol and other substances and being with men who mistreated me. I'm not afraid anymore and I'm here and better than ever. I hope with this testimony I can help others to come forward and speak their truth. I hope one day he see's that I am speaking about it. He can't stop me anymore. It is he that should be afraid of me.
Angelina
Survivor and Warrior
